A Prayer of My Own
(a song analysis for the secretly wilful)
hello, friends. may this month feed you in ways you’ve never imagined. much love <3
at the cusp of an aching decade and distinctive turmoil, A Prayer of My Own by Nick Mulvey, was born. in all its holistic acuity, the song vaguely transcends metaphor, lending itself to the vision of something more human: an urge to return to our most essential selves, then on, to restore our world. it is therefore not a surprise, that this was the opener of Mulvey’s third album, New Mythology.
prayer, like poetry, requires a commitment to exposing ourselves. it demands that we be frank; that we surrender to the brutality of being seen entirely. perhaps that is why Nick’s first verse is so endearing. beckoned by a lonely flatpicking and the swell of a wayward chorus, he pleaded: ‘Keep me an open heart in hell. Give me the courage to feel it all. The beauty of the fall. When I want to run away. When I wish to run away. Oh Lord, help me stay’. if anything, this is the psalm of a thousand voices. so many of us are far too afraid, to blatantly admit how low we have fallen. there is an absence of candlelight, and the pageantry of performance in his request. this is familiar to some of us, and desirable for others, but the intention to be recognisable to those who listen, is all too relatable. he drives this point home, by asking that his heart, already in the throes of an inferno, be made warm. commonly, we would all rather ask for a fire be put out. instead, he chose for the spirit to endure and the courage not only to feel every burning emotion, but to stay rooted, as to speak to the things that challenge us. in all our lifetimes, having that kind of courage feels like a retributive justice; an honouring of our weakest selves, letting them know that we do, in fact, believe that they can continue.
it goes without saying, that this song is a necessary feature in the archives of poetry, for the secretly wilful. A Prayer of My Own shares striking similarities to Iron Sky by Paolo Nutini; of which, both artists acknowledge how critical it is to reprise their essential selves. partly for their own health, but greatly, to fulfil what it takes for communal resistance. i like to view this as the practice of deconstructing ‘deindividuation’ and individualistic tendencies. Mulvey mentioned that his song is about returning to an ‘essential self’ and by that, he means the core of who you are. as one undertakes this journey, searches honestly for the essence of who they are and how they interact with the world, their activism inadvertently changes. the beauty of an ‘essential self’, is that it is unique. what may be the essence of who i am, does not always translate to the essence of who someone else is, and that is what makes this an organic process of learned activism. both artists are asking listeners to show up as themselves, because the real change comes from being bare. especially as we question oligarchies, imbalanced social structures and in challenging our personal barriers to understanding certain things and evolving beyond them.
the approach is holistic and incredibly perceptive. being able to understand that the further you are from your most authentic self, the easier it is not to meet a situation deeply; with empathy, critical awareness and an ‘ethic of love’, as bell hooks calls it. our abilities to protest unethical oil rigs, careless treatment of carbon emission rates, colourism on an inner and external level, senseless medical policies and gun violence, is only asserted by our ability to show up truthfully. prepared to sacrifice personal privileges, relationships formed insincerely and harmful beliefs, for the future of those after us.
Even as we grieve over the weight of own battles, his song reflects that they are not in isolation. the personal torment is often a symptom of the communal outcry. but his desire for change, will not be weighed down by the choice to avoid doing the hard thing; from doing the thing that drives you to experience the world without a filter and befriend these uncomfortable emotions, as they affirm that we inherently value the lives of those around us and our own. it reminds us that not being okay, is a signal of a spirit that has the capacity to care for itself and that we can use this strategically, in caring for others and the world as well. Nick speaks directly to this, as he chanted: ‘And I do it for my own. My little boy. My little girl. And we do it for our home, if we do it for the world. Let it out and let it in. Get to know that beast within. No, not an enemy, but a friend’. this level of sincerity is astounding, and one can only hope that more prayers like Mulvey’s make themselves known. the ingenuity of recognising the power we are bent towards, will take us further than we would even care to guess. but Nick sees it and i think we ought to as well.
in the name of praying for a future we can actually live in,
Thando. x
quote mentioned:
All About Love: New Visions by bell hooks