Empty Envelopes ii.🤍

(my liver is heavy, but the sun will come out)

hi, friend. i wanted to apologise for my sudden hiatus. things have been bleak for a while and every word i wrote in the drafts, was a grave unto itself. but i couldn’t end the year without saying thank you. pain will not stop me from saying thank you. i could write sonnets, but i’ll bid you all with sincere air hugs. i love this little coven. <3

i’ve cried more times in the past month than i have in collective years. i’m absolutely, wholeheartedly depleted. and i was fearful that i’d stop writing; that depression had finally had its way with me. then, the fear of being intentionally isolated succumbed to my spirit. but i remembered something Audre Lorde had said: caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation and that is an act of political warfare (1988). by the mere value of being awake, of choosing to drink water and take my medication, i made an active choice to sustain injury and venture forth. towards what? i don’t know. and that’s kinda cool, the not knowing. i have to admit, misfortune’s sense of divine timing is something i can live without analysing. some things are not meant to be dissected in that way. perhaps simply knowing that it’s shifted something internally, is all we need to reconcile with.

Maria is right, i’ll cry about this earth in heaven too. i’ll cry about this earth in August. i’ve cried about it before. and that’s okay. it’s okay. we’re okay. there is an end.

see you soon,

Thando. x